FORGIVENESS: THE FREEDOM TO RISE ABOVE HURT

FORGIVENESS: THE FREEDOM TO RISE ABOVE HURT

A Gospel Reflection on the 24th Sunday in Ordinary Time - September 13, 2026

My soccer coach taught me that retaliation is the worst distraction in the game. He emphasized that the best way to win a game is to focus as much as possible and subdue the opponent. When you try to retaliate against foul play, you not only lose concentration but also give the opponent the chance to dictate the game, thereby making yourself inferior. But when you overlook or forgive, you manifest the strong will of a master and conqueror. Consequently, forgiveness shows that we are smart, strong, focused, superior, and at the same time holy.

When someone hurts us, it is typical to want to retaliate, get even, and balance the equation. However, when we forgive, we bring an end to the cycle of violence and hate. Christ invites us to forgive those who have hurt us, for whatever they have done, even if they refuse to apologize or admit their wrongdoing. I borrow from what Deacon Carl said a few years ago. He maintained that the forgiveness we are called to offer is a decision to let go of any desire for revenge or retaliation, and by doing so, we free ourselves of the bitterness and resentment that harden our hearts. Forgiveness is a struggle, journey, and process. It is a struggle because letting go of resentment takes time; it is a process because we may need to decide to forgive many times. It is a journey because when we love the ones we forgive, we wish them happiness, not harm; we wish them well, not woe; we wish them heaven, not hell.

It is important to note that forgiveness does not always lead to reconciliation. Sometimes reconciliation just is not possible. Perhaps the person we have forgiven has died, or we will never see him or her again, for whatever reason. Sometimes it is not advisable to reconcile with those we forgive. There are people in our lives with whom we should make every effort to reconcile. They are part of what we call our “primary relationships”. They are the people who should be a part of our lives. Husbands and wives, God called them to be together as one flesh; Parents and children, including adult children; the fourth commandment instructs children to honor their parents, and parents should likewise honor their children. Our forgiveness of them would not be complete or authentic without an attempt at reconciliation. When seeking to reconcile, we should never wait until it is too late. Do not let yourself be filled with regret at a funeral parlor, apologizing to someone who could not respond.

We have all been hurt by others: from the rude driver who cut us off in traffic, the spouse who abandoned us, the parent who neglected us or put us down; the friends who vanished when we needed them the most; the confidant we trusted who betrayed our secret; the boss who took credit for our idea; the bully who made our school years miserable; the contractor who took our money and never finished the job; the teacher who embarrassed us in front of the class; the back-stabbing co-worker; the gossiping neighbor; a violent criminal, etc. We all have someone to forgive.

Jesus was betrayed by a friend, abandoned by those whom he loved, condemned, tortured and ultimately executed on the cross, and still bears the marks of his suffering on his hands, feet and side. Yet, it is he who calls us to forgive, and who gives us the grace to do it. He shows us that forgiveness is not only possible, but necessary for those who would follow him.

Heavenly Father, grant us the courage and humility to forgive as your Son has forgiven us. Fill our hearts with your mercy, so that we may let go of all bitterness and resentment and become instruments of your peace. May your Spirit guide us each day to choose reconciliation over revenge, and love over hatred. Help us to reflect Christ’s compassion in all our relationships, trusting that your grace will sustain us as we strive to forgive others from our hearts. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

by Father John Offor